


Something You Need to Know

by SkystormChaosCore



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Brutal Honesty, Conflict, Don't worry though, Everyone Gets A Hug, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Honesty, Miscommunication, Please Don't Hate Me, Reflection, Self-Doubt, but i take most of my inspiration from the 2003 show, doesn't take place in any particular universe, except there's a bunch of messy emotions involved too, just four brothers being brutally honest with each other, that's literally it - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkystormChaosCore/pseuds/SkystormChaosCore
Summary: After getting captured and held hostage, Raph tries to blows off some steam by picking a fight with Leo, in the process saying something that hits a little too close to some insecurities Leo's been harboring. Leo responds with brutal honesty, leaving Raph regretting everything, and, of course, nothing stays private in the lair for long, so Don and Mikey quickly get roped into the angst, bringing along some issues of their own.Feelings will be hurt and healed, bonds tested and strengthened, and things left unsaid finally put out into the open.
Relationships: Donatello & Leonardo & Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT), Donatello & Leonardo (TMNT), Donatello & Michelangelo (TMNT), Donatello & Raphael (TMNT), Leonardo & Michelangelo (TMNT), Leonardo & Raphael (TMNT), Michelangelo & Raphael (TMNT)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 90





	1. We Are Brothers

**Author's Note:**

> So, this whole thing started out about three years ago with an idea I had at approximately midnight: "Raph and Leo are fighting, Raph says something stupid, Leo shuts him down with brutal honesty". I scribbled the dialogue into a notebook, then wrote a one-shot around it. Then I decided to make it the first part in a thirteen-chapter feels train and posted it to deviantArt. I started writing the second chapter, but about halfway through lost interest. Recently, a bout of sickness has had me rewatching the 2003 cartoon, and I found the inspiration to finally finish it, so I'm posting both the first and second chapters here, hopefully with more coming soon and not in another three years.
> 
> TMNT are not mine.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Donatello stared at the note in his hands. Michelangelo was looking at Leo. Leonardo's gaze was off in the distance.

Eventually, Donatello looked up from the note and to Leo as well. "This is a trap."

"Of course it is."

"So what do we do?" asked Mikey.

Leo's eyes turned, finally returning his brothers' gazes. "We rescue Raph."

* * *

Raphael strained against his bonds, the ropes chafing his arms and legs as he tried to move.

"Don't bother," said a mobster, standing in front of him, watching with a sneer. "You're not getting out of there."

Raph narrowed his eyes and sent a hate-fueled glare at the man. He wanted to do more, but the gag in his mouth prevented him from giving the man a tongue-lashing and the ropes prevented him from giving him an actual lashing.

The mobster only laughed in response. "You've got spirit, I'll say that much. I kinda wanna keep you, but I have a feeling there are scientists out there who'll pay big bucks for you. Those friends of yours, too."

Raph's vision went red. He started thrashing against his bonds, ignoring the ropes cutting into him as he caused the chair he was stuck in to rock.

The mobster watched with a smirk.

* * *

Shining through the windows of the warehouse, the moon was Raph's only source of light. It illuminated him, tied to this damn chair in the middle of this damn warehouse. He could see the mobsters in the shadows, waiting for his brothers to show themselves. He knew they were carrying tranquilizers and orders not to pull out their real guns unless absolutely necessary, so their prizes would be as undamaged as possible to sell to the laboratories. He knew that if they did have to pull out their guns, their orders were to shoot to hurt, not kill. He also knew that if they were in danger of escaping, a corpse was more valuable than nothing at all.

Raph hoped his brothers never came. He wasn't worth it.

He must have sat there for an hour when a cloud passed over the moon, and there, at the window, he saw them. It was like they had come with the shadow, and nobody but a trained ninja like Raph who knew exactly how his brothers operated would have seen them. The window opened silently, and the three shadows dropped into the dark warehouse, disappearing. By the time any of the mobsters stirred, Raph's estimate was that his brothers had silently taken down at least half of them. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a gunshot, and Donatello came hurtling out of the shadows and onto the floor in front of Raph. The moonlight reflected off the blood leaking from his shoulder.

In an instant, all hell broke loose. Raph screamed his brother's name into his gag. Leo and Mikey dashed out of hiding as the remaining mobsters also emerged and started shooting. Katanas and nunchucks were out in a flash, deflecting the tranquilizer darts.

"Mikey! Protect Don!" barked Leo. The orange-banded turtle nodded once, then raced to his injured older brother, some well-placed thwacks to the head with the spinning ends of his nunchucks taking care of the mobsters who were trying to approach him. Leo, meanwhile, ran to Raph, his swords deflecting projectiles, slicing through his brother's restraints with one clean stroke of each weapon. Raph stood up, pulling off his gag and taking a step towards Donnie, only to stumble, muscles protesting from having been tied up so long. Leo caught him with his left arm, using the right to deflect the projectiles now aimed at both of them, some now real bullets. Leo and Raph made their way to their younger brothers. Donnie was now standing, leaning on Mikey for support. "Let's go," said Leo, and the four ran for the exit, the voice of the mob leader shouting after them.

* * *

It was nearing dawn by the time the brothers got home. The mobsters had given chase after they ran from the warehouse and having one brother injured and another unsteady meant they couldn't simply disappear as they usually would. Instead, they had to flee into the city, just managing to stay ahead of the mobsters, using the shadows and alleyways to drop the mobsters one by one, all the while trying to take care of Donnie's gunshot wound. Eventually, Raph had been able to walk on his own and tried to take Donnie from Mikey, since he was the strongest, but Leo forbade it and Mikey refused to hand him over. Don gave Raph a sympathetic smile, trying not to grimace from the pain he was in, and told him he was fine.

When they got home, Master Splinter greeted them. Clearly, he hadn't slept, waiting for their return and worrying for their safety. Mikey went to put their exhausted sensei to bed while Leo, having taken Donnie from his youngest brother once they made it into the sewers, took the purple-masked ninja to his lab, which doubled as the turtles' infirmary. Donnie always patched his brothers up when they got hurt, but when the genius himself got hurt, it was usually Leo putting him back together, since he had the steadiest hands and easiest time distancing himself emotionally from the task at hand.

As Leo escorted Donnie to the infirmary, he told Raph to go to bed. Instead, the red-banded ninja went to the dojo and started laying into his punching bag. Mikey came out of his father's room and saw his second-oldest brother, he gave him a worried look, but after carrying his brother across half the city at a run, he was too tired to try doing anything about it.

Half an hour later, Raph stopped hitting his punching bag as he became aware of another presence. He turned and sure enough, there was Leo, leaning on the door frame. His eyes went back to his punching bag, though he didn't start hitting it again. "How's Donnie?" he finally asked.

"Asleep," answered the leader, "like you should be."

"I'm not tired."

"Like hell you aren't. Mikey _never_ gets tired, and he's out like a light."

"Well, he just carried Donnie across half of Manhattan, so who can blame him?"

"And you were captured."

"Sure. Rub it in, why don't ya?"

Leo dragged his hand down his face, dark eyes looking up at the ceiling. "Raph, please, I'm too tired to do this right now."

"Then you should go to bed."

"You really think I'm going to be able to sleep knowing you're out here, beating yourself up?"

Raph's whole body turned to face his older brother. "I don't need you to baby me, Leo! And I certainly didn't need you to rescue me."

Leo narrowed his eyes. "Is that what you call it? The mob had you tied up in the middle of a warehouse."

"Donnie got hurt!"

"That happens sometimes, Raph."

"Well it shouldn't!"

"I agree, but what it should be and what it is aren't the same thing. You know that better than any of us."

"Why would you even go in there?! You must have known it was a trap!"

"Of course I did."

"Then why?!"

"Because if I hadn't, we never would have seen you again."

"You put Donnie and Mikey in danger!"

"Our lives are dangerous, Raph. We all came home."

"Yeah, somehow. Even after you deliberately walked Donnie and Mikey into a trap, got Don shot, let _Mikey_ protect him then carry him all over New York when I could have taken him!" As he talked, Raph began to approach his brother. Leo didn't move.

"You can't do everything, Raph. And Mikey did just fine protecting Donnie."

"Damn ya! You don't care, do ya?!"

"Of course I care. They're my brothers."

"Then why put them in danger?!"

"Because you're my brother too."

"Gah! What is this? Your damn honor talkin'?" Raph pushed past Leo and walked out of the dojo, headed for the stairs, throwing one last sentence over his shoulder. "Too bad you can't choose your family, huh?"

  
The silence that followed told Raph his words had stung Leo. When the leader finally broke it, it was with one word: "Bullshit."

Raph froze. Under normal circumstances, the only words the leader ever used that even resembled swears were "hell" and "damn". And the tone of voice that told the hothead that this conversation, which he had meant to end with those words, was most definitely not over. Raph turned to face his brother.

"Master Splinter chose us, didn't he?" said Leo, voice biting without being raised a decibel. "He didn't _have_ to care for us, but he did. He didn't _have_ to call us his sons, but he did. He chose us." The blue-banded ninja pushed off the wall and started walking towards Raph. His eyes never broke contact. "And you're my brother. Not because we're both Master Splinter's sons, not because of some blood connection that may or may not exist, but because I love you. I _chose_ you." Leo was now right in front of Raph. Raph could do nothing but stare at him. Leo's eyes bored into his. "Do you think that your well-being means less than Donnie's or Mikey's? Because it doesn't mean less to me. I did the same thing tonight that I would have done for them. Not out of honor or duty, but because I love you, plain and simple, just like I love them. I will gladly make any sacrifice necessary to keep you alive and well and happy and I will ask for nothing in return because you are my brother. I love you. Unconditionally. So whether you feel the same way is irrelevant. And that's my choice. I chose you, Raphael. And I've never regretted that choice for a second."

With that, Leo brushed past him to walk across the living room to the staircase and his room, slamming the door behind him. He didn't look back once as Raph stood there, stunned.

When his brain recovered from the shock and caught up with everything that had just happened, Raph wanted to slap himself for being so stupidly careless. In trying to insinuate that, given the choice, Leo wouldn't and _shouldn't_ consider him family to the same degree as Donnie and Mikey, he'd somehow also suggested that, given the same choice, he wouldn't have chosen Leo either. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that Leo had been deeply hurt by that insinuation. And so, with a few thoughtless words, Raph had screwed up royally.

In Raph's eyes, he was the expendable one of the group. Donnie was the genius, Leo was the leader, and Mikey was the heart of the family. He was the strong one, which made it his job to protect his brothers. And maybe he felt particularly protective toward the younger ones, but he loved Leo just as fiercely. He just assumed that the fact he'd throw himself in front of anything to save his older brother, be it train, bullet, or Shredder, was enough to show he cared.

He just assumed everyone saw the world the same way he did.

Of course, saying it aloud, or even just in his head, that sounded ridiculous. For one thing, if Leo saw things the same way he did, the two of them wouldn't argue nearly as much. Raph knew Leo would gladly give his life to save his brothers, to save any one of them. But that was the only sacrifice he was willing to make. And even then, only if absolutely necessary. The general rule was "We all get out alive, anything less is unacceptable."

And that was great and all, and probably a good rule for a leader to have. But if Leo could save Donnie and Mikey, and hell, even himself, why would he risk that to save Raph? Raph was the expendable one. It was his _job_ to die for his brothers. Sure, he wanted to live as much as the next turtle, but life didn't always give you what you wanted, especially if you were a giant mutant turtle. If it came down to it, Raph should be the one making the sacrifice. Not Leo, and certainly not Donnie or Mikey.

Except clearly Leo didn't see it that way.

Raph raked a hand down his face. He may not have wanted to admit it, but he was exhausted, far too much to even begin fixing the mess he'd made. Hopefully, he'd have a clearer head and some idea of what to do in the morning.

Before he went to bed, Raph couldn't resist checking under Leo's door. The light was off, but that could mean anything. Raph sighed in frustration and went into his room, collapsing onto his bed.

It was a long time before he quieted his mind enough to sleep.


	2. I Forgive You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the tension between Raph and Leo settled over the whole lair, it doesn't take Mikey long to sniff out its source. When he goes to confront Raph about it, though, things don't exactly go the way he planned.
> 
> It does him the chance to set a few things straight with Raph himself, though.

To say last night had been rough would have been an understatement. Raph had been captured, Donnie had been shot, they had run themselves ragged across the city trying to lose the goons responsible, their sensei had been up all night worrying about them... all in all, not a good time. When Mikey woke up the next morning, the first thing he noticed was how sore he was, like his whole body was just one massive ache. The next thing he noticed was that it was almost noon. Master Splinter must have let them sleep in to recover their strength and (in Donnie's case) heal. Who knew, maybe he'd even taken the opportunity to get some extra sleep himself after having been awake almost all night worrying. Never one to waste a training-free morning, and knowing that Raph hating getting captured almost as much as Leo hated having to rescue him and their displeasure combined couldn't compare to how much having a hole in your shoulder sucked, he decided to make chocolate chip pancakes. After all, there was nothing like chocolate chip pancakes to cheer a turtle up in the morning. And no matter how much Master Splinter let them sleep they were all bound to be exhausted and in need of sugar.  
  
Also, Mikey really wanted chocolate chip pancakes. There was that too.  
  
About half an hour later, Leo wandered into the kitchen like a lost soul. He looked like he hadn't slept well, and his dark eyes, which had always looked decades older than their owner, seemed to have aged a hundred years overnight. In short, he looked tired, physically and mentally. Mikey sighed. Leo must have spent all last night worrying, finding some way to blame himself for what had happened. Again. The orange-banded ninja gestured to the table. "Sit down. Breakfast's almost ready."  
  
Leo collapsed into a chair, placing his elbows on the table and rubbing at his face before lifting his head to sniff the air. "What is that?"  
  
Mikey grinned. "Chocolate chip pancakes."  
  
The ghost of a smile flickered across Leo's face. "Smells good."  
  
"Yeah, it does," agreed a voice from the doorway. "Are those pancakes?"  
  
The two turtles looked to see Donatello, leaning against the doorway with his uninjured shoulder. He looked like the mere act of walking from the lab to the kitchen had exhausted him. He was pale, and the contortions in his face he was trying to hide said he was in pain. But from the looks of it, at least, he had gotten more sleep than Leo.  
  
Mikey grinned. "Chocolate chip, dude."  
  
Donnie gave a pained, but genuine smile. "Even better."  
  
Leo got up and went to Donnie. "How's your shoulder?" he asked, as Mikey turned his body back towards the pancakes.  
  
"Oh, fine. Just as long as you ignore the hole."  
  
Leo examined his brother with a look of concern. "Do you want me to get you some painkillers?"  
  
"Yeah, that would be great. Come to think of it, I really should have taken some before I got here, but I was starving, and-"  
  
"Okay okay. But first, let's get you to to the table." Leo moved to put his shoulder under Donnie's arm.  
  
"I can walk, Leo. It's not my leg that's injured."  
  
"I know, it would make me feel better."  
  
Mikey looked over his shoulder. "What he means to say, dude, is you look you're about to pass out."  
  
The youngest turtle could just about hear Leo roll his eyes, but Don sighed and said, "Alright." He leaned on his oldest brother and allowed himself to be led to the table.  
  
Once Donnie was seated, Leo left the kitchen to fetch the painkillers. Mikey picked two pancakes off the griddle, put them on a plate, and set them down in front of Donnie, who immediately dug in, though he had to be careful of how he moved his shoulder.  
  
A minute later, Raph appeared in the doorway. He walked in without a word, taking his place at the small, square table across from Donnie and leaning his head on his hand.  
  
He looked like he had slept even worse than Leo.  
  
When Mikey placed Raph's pancakes in front of him, he muttered his thanks before starting on them, somehow with less enthusiasm than the turtle who flinched at the slightest twitch of his shoulder. After a few moments of silence, he asked Don how he was doing. The purple ninja shrugged his uninjured shoulder, either too tired, too hungry, or in too much pain to respond verbally. He went back to his pancakes. Raph was about to do the same when his eyes suddenly locked on the kitchen entryway.  
  
Mikey could feel the tension in the room spike and looked to see Leo just inside the kitchen threshold, two pills in hand. Leo's tired eyes met Raph's for a moment before looking away, but it was enough to make the second-oldest brother look like a deer in the headlights. Leo walked to Donnie and gave him his medicine, which the purple-banded ninja swallowed as the oldest went to fetch him a glass of water. After Donnie had swallowed the water, Leo asked, "Better?"  
  
"Ask me again in five minutes."  
  
Leo took his seat at the table, to Donnie's right and Raph's left. Raph had found something very interesting on his plate, but his eyes flickered to Leo every now and then. Leo pretended not to notice, dividing his attention between Donnie and nothing in particular until Mikey brought him his pancakes. Then, the blue-masked ninja ate at a deliberate, measured speed, not too fast and not too slow. Mechanical.  
  
Mikey moved the final stack of pancakes to a plate and turned off the stove, taking his place at the table across from Leo to complete the circle. Or square. Whatever.  
  
The rest of breakfast continued in awkward silence. The only time the turtles spoke was when their sensei came into the kitchen to make his own breakfast (he had never been a fan of extremely sweet foods and all would have been surprised if he had chosen to partake of Mikey's tooth-rotting breakfast) and they all murmured a good morning and responded as their father inquired after each of their well-beings. Splinter then returned to his own room to eat and the silence returned.  
  
When Leo finished eating, he got up and started clearing the plates of those who had finished. Mikey wasn't one of them, so his protests that no, he didn't have to do that, he could do it himself, fell on deaf ears. Leo didn't start washing the dishes, though, instead asking Donnie if he needed anything and then moving his injured brother to the couch. After a final check to make sure he had everything he needed, Leo went into the dojo. Raph went to sit with Donnie as the two looked for something to watch. Mikey washed the dishes and then made his way into the dojo.  
  
When Leo practiced, he got this look about him. This look of utter concentration and unshakable determination that flowed into his movements, allowing him to execute each action with the accuracy of a neurosurgeon and the fluidity of water in zero gravity. It was fascinating. Beautiful, even. Mikey often caught himself stopping in the middle of his own practicing to watch his oldest brother. He knew Donnie did too. And Raph, though the hothead would never admit it. It was hard not to. Leo had a fire inside him that he had harnessed, controlled, and sharpened until he could wield it as well as his katanas, with deadly speed and precision. It demanded attention.  
  
Today though, something was different. Leo's movements were just as precise and controlled as they always were, but the fire wasn't behind it. His eyes were empty. Every form and every movement was perfect, but mechanical. Usually, Leo was always pushing himself past his limits, past perfection, trying to make every movement just a little better. Not now. Now it looked like he was just going through the motions. One movement into the next into the next. Movements that imitated fighting, but his eyes said he'd already given up. He looked resigned, like someone who knew victory was impossible, but had made up his mind to fight to his last breath anyway.  
  
Leo didn't acknowledge Mikey when the orange-masked ninja entered the dojo and continued to ignore him as the orange ninja leaned against a wall, just to the left of the entrance, and simply watched his brother. He kept going through the motions. Executing one move perfectly. Doing it again for good measure. Instead of obsessively doing it over and over again to correct some tiny flaw, he simply moved onto the next. Defeated.  
  
At some point, Mikey got tired of watching. He peeked into the living room to see what Raph and Donnie were doing. They were putting in a movie. Mikey pulled his head back into the dojo. Usually, when Leo was practicing, he wouldn't let anyone pull him away from it. When Mikey planted himself in front of Leo and demanded he take a break and watch a movie with his brothers, though, Leo didn't resist, just let Mikey lead him to the living room. Defeated. Raph stole glances at Leo from the other end of the couch, shifting awkwardly every few minutes. Leo was still as a statue, eyes trained on the screen. The movie was one they all liked, but it was background noise, something to break through the awkward silence that had settled over the brothers for reasons unknown to half of them. Leo appeared uninterested, as if he was watching it only because it was the only thing to do. Raph was too distracted with Leo's presence to pay attention. Donnie's eyes had glazed over and he stared through the screen as his eyelids lazily drifted between open and closed.  
  
Mikey, meanwhile, had his eyes on the screen, but his mind was elsewhere. He was wondering what had happened to his brothers. Because something must have happened, probably last night (well, it was more like this morning) before they went to bed. It couldn't have been this afternoon, because Mikey was fairly certain he had been the first one out of bed, and if something had happened between his oldest brothers while he was making breakfast, he would have heard it. Nothing stayed secret in the lair. And last night made sense. Mikey knew Raph hadn't immediately gone to bed after they got home, he had seen him laying into his punching bag. Plus, something had clearly been bothering the hothead. That much was clear. And once Leo was done patching up Don, he would have checked in on everyone before going to bed himself because he was Leo. Raph might have taken out whatever was bothering him on Leo... but then why were things so awkward this morning? And why was Leo acting so weird? So unlike Leo? When Leo and Raph got into fights, whatever tension was between them was let out, and the issues got resolved soon afterwards. There wasn't any of this awkwardness. Leo couldn't have been anymore distant if he was on Mars and Raph kept getting this guilty look on his face when he looked at him and... wait. Had Raph done something stupid?  
  
Okay, dumb question, but the point still stood.  
  
Mikey was snapped out of his thoughts when the hothead in question abruptly rose from his place at the couch and went into the dojo. Leo didn't react. Donnie appeared to have fallen asleep. Frowning, Mikey stood up and followed his brother into the dojo.  
  
Mikey watched as Raph hit his punching bag over and over again. But he wasn't watching his fists (he had seen those enough), he was carefully scrutinizing the red-masked ninja's face. Mikey had known his brother and his anger long enough that he could read both like an open book and guess with relative certainty whose face Raph was imagining in place of his long-suffering punching bag. Mikey frowned as he examined his brother's expression. The look he had right now... that was the look Raph got when he was angry with himself. He had definitely done something stupid last night.  
  
Luckily, tiring Raph out tended to defuse him, and Michelangelo considered himself something of an expert in that field.  
  
Mikey started to approach, Raph stopped punching the bag and looked at his youngest brother with an irritated expression. "Do you want something?"  
  
"Not really, but I'm sure your poor abused punching bag could use a break. Why don't you pick on someone your own size?"  
  
Raph narrowed his eyes. "What are you up to, Mikey?"  
  
Michelangelo put on his best innocent expression. "Me? Up to something? Wherever did you get that idea?" Raph still looked suspicious, so Mikey hit him with the four words that never failed to goad Raph. "What's the matter? Scared?"  
  
Raph growled. Jackpot. "Alright, you asked for it!"  
  
And with no further preamble, he lunged for his younger brother.  
  


* * *

When Raph had woken from his fitful sleep, he hadn't been able to get last night out of his head. The moment of silence after Raph had verbally lashed out, the hurt in Leo's voice and the look like he'd been physically slapped. Part of Raph wanted to just stay in his room so he wouldn't have to face his older brother, but then he remembered that he had two more brothers, one of whom had been shot last night, and knew he couldn't. When he saw Leo, he had searched him desperately for any sign of forgiveness. He had to know he hadn't meant what he said, right? Leo hadn't even looked at him. The wall had gone up- the one Leo tended to erect when he needed somewhere to hide and lick his wounds. Leo had shut him out, and Raph hated it. He hated Leo and he hated himself.

  
Right now, though, he hated Mikey more than anything.

"Stop MOVING, ya little runt!"

Mikey had the nerve to laugh. "Maybe you should stop televising your attacks so obviously, if you want me to stop moving. Or is hitting little old me too difficult for you?"

"I'll show you difficult, pea-brain. When I get my hands on you-"

"Um, I think you mean IF you get your hands on me, which to tell you the truth..." Mikey danced out of the way of another punch. "...is looking like a pretty big IF right now."

Raph growled, charging after him, only for Mikey to evade again, like the slippery little slime that he was. Unfortunately, he was a slippery little slime with a _few_ brain cells left, because he was playing Raph like a goddamn fiddle. And enjoying every second of it too, judging by the shit-eating grin on his face. One of these days, Raph swore, he wasn't going to go along with this stupid game Mikey liked to play. Just as soon as he stopped being so freaking annoying.

"Hey, since we're here, and, you know, _not much else is happening_ ," Mikey ducked Raph's kick before swinging his foot to kick his other leg out from under him, sending Raph crashing to the floor on his shell, "do ya mind telling me what happened between you and Leo last night?"

Raph sat up. "What the-?! How did you...? Ya know what, never mind. It's none a' your goddamn business." He jumped to his feet.

Mikey straightened and put his hands on his hips. "Dude, haven't you figured out by now that when two turtles aren't talking, _no_ turtles are talking? You can't just say it's none of my business; it doesn't work like that."

He was right, the little bastard. The silence between him and Leo had settled like a thick blanket of dust over all four of them. Even Mikey, who _never_ shut up, current situation case and point, had been oddly silent. He should have known that when Mikey got quiet, it was because he was watching, thinking, figuring them out. He hated that his little brother could be such an idiot and _still_ read him like an open book. And now he'd lured Raph into a trap, because that's what this was. It wasn't a sparring match, it was a goddamn _interrogation_.

Raph scowled. "Fuck off." He made to grab the little shit, but Mikey jumped backward, doing a handspring for good measure. The acrobatics were _really_ starting to piss Raph off.

"Nope, don't think I will. I want to know what's going on. I want to know what you did."

Raph's fists clenched and his teeth ground into each other. Mikey knew it was his fault. Of course he did, the perceptive little fucker. Why couldn't he mind his own goddamn business?! "Shut the hell up, Mikey," he warned.

Of course he didn't. Persistent little shit. "No. Leo's been off all day, and I want to know why. I want to know what you did to get him like this."

He hit Raph with his own guilt, that he had hurt Leo and now their brother wasn't acting right. Raph felt his guilt and frustration boil over and turn, as most strong emotions did with him, to rage. His body, his mind, his very soul was blazing with white hot fire. "I SAID SHUT UP!!!"

Raph lunged towards his youngest brother, who let out a surprised yelp and side-stepped the charge. He made to counter-attack, but Raph had surprised him with the sheer ferocity of his attack, giving the red-masked brawler the upper hand for just a split second. That was all Raph needed to get in a good hit, sending his little brother flying into the furthest wall. Raph heard a voice calling out his name, but he ignored it and charged, fists raised, intent on not giving Mikey the chance to dodge again.

That was when he felt someone grab his right arm and twist it behind his back. Rage in full control, Raph lashed out at the new adversary, which earned him a sharp hit to the back of the head which stunned him long enough for the person to force him onto his knees.

Raph felt three thick fingers digging into his arm hard enough to leave bruises and three more poised over a pressure point that would put him to sleep real fast if he so much as twitched in a way his captor didn't like. Raph could _feel_ their owner barely restraining himself. Anger was seething off of the body behind him, and Raph knew, without needing to look, who had intervened. Very few things in this world well and truly pissed Leonardo off, and before he even looked up, Raph knew, with sickening certainty, what he had done.

Michelangelo was slumped like a ragdoll against the wall, just under a circular indent where his shell had hit the cement, limp and unmoving, eyes closed and head lolled to the side. Raph felt like he was going to throw up. Shit. He'd done it again. He'd lost his temper and one of his brothers had paid for it. Mikey had paid for it. Shit. Shit fuck crap shit...

Once Leo was certain Raph wouldn't fly off the handle again, he let go, leaving Raph to fall forward onto his hands while Leo ran to Mikey. Raph watched as Leo gently took their youngest brother's head and tilted it to face him. Mikey groaned and his eyelids fluttered open to blink up at his brother. Thank God. Mikey looked a little out of it, but he wasn't totally unconscious. Leo did a quick check-over, then picked him up bridal-style, not sparing Raphael a single look as he carried him out of the dojo. Raph heard Donnie's concerned voice and Leo tell him to stay put, he'd take care of it. The infirmary door closed behind them, and Raph sat back onto his heels, berating himself.

* * *

At some point, Raph found it within himself to get up and leave the dojo. When he did, he saw Leo quietly closing the door to Mikey's room. He wasn't sure he wanted to talk to Leo, between what happened last night and the silent fury he had felt from his older brother in the dojo, but he had to know. "How is he?" he asked.

Leo looked up at him. He seemed more tired than angry, but then again, Leo was good at hiding his feelings. Not even Master Splinter could see through him all the time. "He's awake. Doesn't seem confused or disoriented or anything like that, so I don't think you hit him too hard in the head."

Raph snorted. "Or he's just got a thick skull."

The corner of Leo's mouth quirked upward for a moment, but his expression quickly turned serious. "Raph, this could have turned out so much worse."

"I know."

"I know you would never hurt Mikey on purpose... well, seriously hurt him, and I know that you try not to let your temper get the best of you, but this... _this can't happen again_. You have to do more than _try_."

Raph winced. There it was, just the slightest bite of anger to his words. They were like paper cuts- just sharp enough to get under his skin, doing no real damage but still stinging like hell. "I know, I _know_ , I... I'm so sorry."

Leo's expression softened, just a little. "I know you are. But I'm not the one who needs to hear it." His head jerked meaningfully to Mikey's door, and he turned away.

Raph opened his mouth to say more, probably about how he _did_ need to apologize to Leo because he hadn't been in his right mind last night any more than when he'd almost knocked out his little brother, and he hadn't meant a word he'd said, and he _did_ love him, but the words got stuck in his throat. Instead, he watched his older brother's back retreat until he was on the couch next to Donnie, searching through the TV channels for something that would hold their attention while still being relatively mindless. Raph sighed. _One thing at a time._

__He entered Mikey's room.

* * *

  
Staying in the room once he saw Mikey took more of Raph's courage and willpower than any encounter with the Shredder ever had. His youngest brother was propped up in his bed, the back of his head and parts of his arms and legs were bandaged up. He couldn't see much of his back, but his shell was obviously scuffed from hitting the wall. Seeing his little brother like that, knowing it was his fault, it took everything he had and more not to bolt out of that room. And he still might have, if Mikey hadn't noticed him and given him a smile. "Hey, Raphie."

Raph was dumbstruck. He didn't know what to say. Shouldn't his little brother be angry at him? Scared? _Anything_ but happy to see him?

Mikey shifted in bed to face him, and a grimace showed on his face for a brief second. Raph watched in silence, feeling guilt and regret wash over him all over again. Mikey obviously noticed, because he snorted. "Don't flatter yourself _too_ much. I'm mostly just sore from last night."

Raph huffed and shook his head before forcing himself to look his brother in the eye and say what he'd come to say. "Mikey, I... I'm so sorry."

A moment passed, and Raph braced himself for whatever his brother was going to say, but Mikey's next words caught him off-guard "I forgive you."

If Raph had water in his mouth, he'd have spit it out in an appropriately comic fashion. "You... You forgive me? Just like that?!"

Mikey shrugged. "I just just a little scraped up from the concrete, dude, no biggie. Give it a few days and it'll be like nothing even happened."

"But... Mikey, I... I could have _seriously_ hurt you."

"You didn't, though."

"Only 'cause Leo stopped me! How are you so calm about this?! I-"

Mikey cut him off with _that look_ \- the one that said "You're being a real idiot right now and that's coming from _me_."

"Raph, don't act like I didn't know what I was doing. I got you riled up on _purpose_ , remember? Or did you not notice?"

"That's not an excuse, Mikey!!!"

The younger ninja shrugged again. "Maybe not. But this is still partly my fault."

"It's _not-_!!!"

"It _is_."

Mikey was giving him a hard look now- one that looked entirely too much like one of Leo's. It threw Raph for such a loop, he stopped arguing.

"Listen Raph, I know I'm the dumb one in the family, but it doesn't mean I don't _notice_ things. A brain-dead zombie could figure out something's up with you and Leo, and you know how much I _hate_ it when you stew, _either of you_. So I figured I could get you to let out all that pent-up anger in a sparring match. It's not like that hasn't worked before."

Raph couldn't exactly deny that. Mikey always seemed to know the right buttons to push to get him exactly where he wanted him and keep him there until he'd completely exhausted himself with his own rage, at which point he was so annoyed with Mikey, he'd completely forgotten what had originally ticked him off. Raph would never admit it out loud, but underneath his lame jokes and laid-back attitude, Mikey was kind of an evil genius.

Mikey shifted in his bed again, fixing his eyes on the wall opposite him as his mouth twisted into a frown. "I miscalculated," Mikey admitted, pulling his knees closer to his chest and crossing his arms in front of him. "I underestimated how much whatever's going on was bothering you, so I poked harder than I should have. And yeah, maybe it doesn't excuse what happened, but you can at least acknowledge that I was _there._ I made _decisions_ , and I made a _mistake_. You made a _bigger_ mistake, but it was still a _mistake_. We all make mistakes. _All the freaking time_. But we forgive each other for those mistakes because we're _brothers_. That's what we _do_."

Raph realized he was staring at his little brother open-mouthed, quickly snapped his jaw shut. He spent about a minute flailing for something to say to that, finally landing on "When the fuck did you become a philosopher?!"

Mikey grinned at him. "Oh, there are a _ton_ of things you don't know about me. I'm just _full_ of hidden talents."

"Shut up, you," Raph chuckled.

Mikey stuck out his tongue. "Not likely. Now get outta my room before you stink it up."

Raph rolled his eyes, but did as he was told, closing the door behind him. He noticed both Leo and Donnie's eyes were on him, but both relaxed when they saw his face. Donnie even smiled. With not much else to do, Raph plopped himself down on Donnie's other side and asked, "So what are you guys watching?"


	3. That's Your Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Donnie's turn to go looking for the source of the tension and hurt between his brothers. His methods are different from Mikey's, to say the least.
> 
> And if he gets to tell Leo some things he needs to hear, all the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, here we go. Donnie finally gets in on the feels action, thanks to an inspiration strike at 3 AM.
> 
> Also, thanks to this chapter, this story is now severely off-course of where I originally thought it was going to go. This wasn't even supposed to be the third chapter, but here we are. So, I still have that outline from three years ago, but even that's subject to change. I'm basically going in blind as far as the actual chapter contents. Thankfully, the turtles seem pretty adept at writing themselves in this story, so I'm not too worried. This chapter's already given me the starting point for Chapter 4 (originally meant to be Chapter 3), so that's also a good sign.
> 
> Can't make any promises about when the next chapter will be out. Hopefully it'll be soon, but my brain can be a fickle thing sometimes.

Donatello hated being injured. Being injured meant he couldn’t have breakfast without jostling his shoulder and having to grit his teeth through a stab of pain. Being injured meant that his brothers were worried, which meant that they were constantly hovering. And sure, he was grateful they were keeping him company, but he hated feeling like an invalid. He was pretty much proof positive of “Doctors are the worst patients”.  
  
Being injured also meant that when a familiar yelp and a terrifying crack startled him out of his doze, Don could only watch as his oldest brother vaulted over the back of the sofa and dashed to the dojo, stopping briefly in the entrance to shout “Raph!” before sprinting inside. Silence followed, and Donnie could only wait with his heart in his throat.  
  
Being injured meant that when Leo left the dojo carrying Mikey’s scraped up and semiconscious body, he couldn’t take care of his little brother, instead having to sit on the couch while Leo carried Mikey into the infirmary, and then up to bed.  
  
Donnie knew what had happened when Raph left the dojo with his head hung. The hothead had lost his temper, which had somehow led to Mikey getting hurt. Raph went up the stairs to Mikey’s room, and after a brief exchange with Leo, he went inside while the oldest brother descended and returned to the living area, collapsing onto the sofa next to Don and sinking into the cushions with a tired sigh. Donnie gave him a few seconds to recover before he started asking questions.  
  
"How is he?"  
  
"Fine. Few scrapes and a bump on the head."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"He sniffed out Raph's bad mood and goaded him into a sparring match."  
  
Donnie nodded. That was a pretty typical move for Mikey.  
  
"Apparently he poked a bit too hard at some sore spots trying to figure out what was going on, and Raph flew off the handle. Raph knocked him into the wall, stunning him, and charged. I caught him before he got there."  
  
Donnie nodded again, absorbing the information in silence. After a moment, he asked, "This 'bad mood' of Raph's wouldn't have anything to do with what's had you in a funk all morning, would it?"  
  
Leo slumped against the back of the couch, letting his head fall back with a huff. "That obvious, huh?"  
  
"Well, Raph keeps looking at you like you're going to bite his head off, and you wouldn't so much as look at him over breakfast, so..."  
  
Leo sighed.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"That bad, huh? You must be pretty angry."  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Could have fooled me."  
  
Leo was quiet for a moment, staring at the ceiling like it might reveal the meaning of life to him. Finally, he said, "It's... complicated. I'm not angry at him so much as I'm... upset."  
  
Donatello frowned, sitting up a bit straighter. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I will be."  
  
Don opened him mouth to inquire further, but was interrupted by the sound of Mikey's door opening. Both Leo and Donnie turned to watch Raph carefully, but his open relief eased any worries they might have had. Their middle brother made his way down to them, sitting next to Donnie, and asking, "So what are you two watching?"  
  
Don had all but forgotten about the TV, which was currently showing the credits for the movie they'd started watching. Without a word, Leo stood up and removed the disc, replacing it with the movie's sequel. It wasn't nearly as good as the first, but it was entertaining enough, not to mention fairly mindless, which Don was pretty sure they all needed right now.  
  
Donnie dozed off at about the forty-minute mark. He woke up a couple hours later to Raph gently shaking him. The TV was now off, and Raph was saying, "Hey, Leo made lunch. Time t' wake up."  
  
Donnie rubbed at his eyes with his available hand and then let Raph help him off the couch and to the table. Mikey was already there, munching on one half of a sandwich. Leo set plates in front of Raph and Donnie, put one at his own place, and left to take a sandwich to Master Splinter, returning shortly thereafter to eat with his brothers.  
  
Lunch was a quiet affair. It seemed that even Mikey was afraid of breaking the fragile peace that had settled over the lair. It was less tense than breakfast, at least, but there was no such thing as a comfortable silence where the four of them were concerned. Leo cleared the plates when they were done, and Donnie returned with Raph and Mikey to the couch to find something vaguely interesting on TV. Leo finished washing the dishes, then went into the dojo to meditate.  
  
A few hours later, Leo emerged. His brothers were still on the couch, having found a marathon of old Mission: Impossible episodes to watch. He announced that the sun was setting (the turtles had learned to keep track of what time the sun would be rising and setting so they knew when it was safe to go aboveground) and he was going out to run an errand, promising to come back with food. Raph got up and went into the vacant dojo, most likely likely to relieve some of the tension that had been weighing on all of them all day with his punching bag. Leo returned a couple hours later with takeout and something bulky which he dragged into the dojo before dragging Raph out to eat. Instead of suffering through another silent meal at the table, the brothers ate on the couch and watched a bunch of spies save the world with the power of gadgets, disguises, and psychological manipulation.  
  


* * *

  
Some time after they'd finished eating, Splinter emerged to kick them off the couch so he could catch the latest episode of his favorite soap opera. Raph took it upon himself to clean up while Mikey retreated into his room and Leo went into the dojo. Donnie thought about going into his lab, but then changed course and followed his oldest brother.   
  
Leo was covering the walls of the dojo with foam padding that had probably first been used in some middle school gym somewhere in the city. It was a bit torn up in places, so it wasn't hard to guess it had come from a junkyard. Leo was trying to nail it in place, but it kept slipping, so Donnie leaned against it with his good arm, holding it in place. "You know, Raph's going to see this and know you put it up because of what happened."   
  
"It's gotta be better than looking at that." Leo jerked his head to the side. Donnie looked and saw a cracked indent in the concrete wall the exact size and shape of Mikey's shell.   
  
"Yikes."   
  
"Yikes indeed." Having finished securing the first section of padding, Leo moved onto the next one, which conveniently covered the evidence of what had happened there that morning. Again, Donnie used his good arm to help hold it up while Leo nailed it in place. "And anyway, considering we get thrown around in training all the time, it's probably just a good idea in general to limit the scrapes and bruises. We already have the floor covered, so really we should have been doing this from the beginning."   
  
Donnie nodded, shifting as Leo finished securing one part of the section and moved onto another. He let his older brother work in silence for a moment before asking, "So, I don't suppose you're ready to talk about what Raph did to upset you, are you?"   
  
Leo paused, sighing. "I suppose between you and Mikey I'll have to talk about it eventually."   
  
"You don't have to if you don't want to. It's okay if you need more time."   
  
Leo was quiet for a moment. Finally, he spoke, but instead of a story, it was a question. "Do you ever resent me? Or the decisions that I make?"   
  
Donnie was too stunned to speak for a few minutes, but finally asked, "What do you mean?"   
  
"Like... do you ever think I put you or one of the others in danger unnecessarily?"   
  
"No! Of course not! I know you'd never do that!"   
  
Leo nodded, but didn't speak for a few minutes.   
  
"Leo..."   
  
"And I... it's clear to you guys that being being leader, protecting you... it isn't just a job to me?"   
  
"Yes. Of course."   
  
"Have you  __ever_ _ had any issues with my leadership? Because you know if you did, you could tell me-"   
  
" __Yes_ _ , I know, and no, I haven't. Leo, where's this coming from?"   
  
"It's..." Leo shook his head. "It's stupid. He was tired and upset about being captured and seeing you hurt. I shouldn't take any of what he said seriously."   
  
"Except it's clearly bothering you, so what happened?"   
  
"Raph... Raph tried to goad me into an argument. I made it clear I wasn't in the mood, but he was being stubborn, so he started throwing... well, you know how he gets."   
  
"And he said what? He didn't think you cared? You put us in danger unnecessarily? 'Cause you know that's ridiculous, right?"   
  
"Yeah, I know..."   
  
Donnie watched his brother. The blue-masked ninja had paused in his hammering and was staring at nothing with a faraway look in his eyes. "So what's really bothering you?"   
  
Leo seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Do you... this is going to sound stupid, but do you think Raph likes me? And I don't mean 'would he take a bullet for me?' 'cause I know he would, but... do you think he  __likes_ _ me? As a person? Like, would we be friends if we weren't... I mean, if things weren't what they were? 'Cause he gets along great with you, and sure he gets  __annoyed_ _ at Mikey, but he's only ever really  __angry_ _ at me, and maybe that's just because I'm leader, but sometimes I can't help but think-"   
  
"Leo, stop." Donnie couldn't watch his brother do this to himself anymore. He abandoned the padding in favor of putting his hand on Leo shoulder and turning his brother to face him. "Did Raph say he doesn't like you? Because if he did, I may actually kick his teeth in."   
  
Leo snorted. "I'd pay money to see the look on Raph's face if you actually did that. But no, he didn't, at least not in as many words. Honestly, he probably didn't even mean it in that way. He was going about this idea he seems to have that it's his job to die for us or something like that, and he insinuated that I didn't hold his life in the same regard as yours or Mikey's, that I only tried to protect him out of a sense of duty. He said... he said it was too bad you can't choose your family."   
  
Donnie let out a long breath at that, letting the magnitude of that statement and all its potential implications wash over him. "Please tell me you set him straight. Or smacked him. Because I might have, if he said that to me."   
  
A smile tugged at Leo's mouth. "No, I was too tired to smack him. I  __did_ _ set him straight, though. In no uncertain terms."   
  
"Good."   
  
Leo's face fell again, and he sighed. "Like I said, he probably didn't mean it like... like he didn't want me as a brother. But... I guess it's just been niggling at the back of my mind for a while, the idea that he didn't, well, 'love' probably isn't the right word. Like I said, I know he'd give his life for mine, unconditionally. But I guess... I guess sometimes I wonder if he doesn't want to love me like that. If he resents it. Resents me. I don't know, it's hard to explain. And I guess what he said, it kinda played into that fear. And logically I know that he was angry and probably didn't mean it, but there's that other part of me that keeps asking 'what if he did?'"   
  
"Leo..." Donnie pushed down gently on his brother's shoulder. Leo allowed himself to be led to the floor, and Donnie sat down facing him, letting their knees touch to keep physical contact. The purple masked turtle gave himself a moment to find the right words, then began. "I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but I think it might be good for you to hear it from someone else. You did the right thing last night. You did  __all_ _ the right things. No one could have handled that situation better. You made the best of it, just like you always do. That's why you're the leader. You're the best equipped to handle situations like that one. Raph's instincts and his passions are always in control, for better or worse. I easily get so focused on the minutiae I miss the bigger picture, and Mikey has almost the exact opposite problem. He's always taking everything in, and he often gets so overwhelmed by it all, he can't focus or prioritize. But you? You somehow manage to balance all that, plus having a strategic mind to rival the world's top military officers."   
  
"Don, I think that might be a slight exaggeration-"   
  
"Well, I wouldn't be saying it if I didn't think it was true. I'd follow you straight into hell, because I know you'd have a plan to get us out. That's your job, and you do it with just as much passion and focus that you put into everything you set your mind to. More, because you're acutely aware of the consequences if you don't. You need to protect us. That's your job. You  __made_ _ it your job because you love us, and we all know that. We all love you for it.   
  
"Raph doesn't resent you, he just doesn't like being told what to do. And once he gets it into his head he's right, he's a stubborn ass about it. It doesn't have anything to do with you. If I was leader, he'd be fighting with me all the time. It's just the way he is.   
  
"Raph was looking for someone to blame for what happened last night. You were there, and being leader makes you an easy target because you're the one making all the decisions. That's your job. Raph understands that when he's not feeling sorry for himself. And all you have to do is look at him to see he regrets what he said. Just wait. He'll suck it up and tell you so sooner or later. Sooner, if he knows what's good for him."   
  
Leo took a deep breath then let it out, a smile once again peeking through his melancholy expression. "Thank you, Donnie. You're right, I did need to hear that."   
  
"I'm here if you ever need to hear it again. I know you're your own worst critic at times, Raph or no Raph."   
  
Leo nodded. "I know. And I'm glad you're here. I'm not sure I say that enough. To any of you."   
  
"Right now, I think we're the ones who need to say it to you more." Don pushed himself up with his good arm, then offered it to Leo. "And I'll always be here to support you. No matter what, I'll be in your corner."   
  
Leo cocked his head, looking up at him quizzically. "Even when I'm wrong?"   
  
"I said 'no matter what', didn't I? It's Raph's job to call you out on that stuff, not mine."   
  
Leo laughed at that, taking his younger brother's hand and letting him pull him up. "You should probably head to bed, it's getting late. I can finish this section by myself. Mikey can help me with the rest in the morning."   
  
Donnie nodded and left the dojo. As he did so, he spotted Raphael leaving the kitchen. He didn't hesitate to march right up to him and smack him upside the head.   
  
"Ow! What was that for?!"   
  
"You're an idiot."   
  
Raph seemed to deflate at that, and Don let his residual anger fade. Raph was already clearly beating himself up over what happened, Donnie didn't need to add to that. His protective streak wasn't always as obvious as those of his older siblings, but it did have its moments, good and bad.   
  
"Please just get it sorted out. You really hurt Leo."   
  
"I know." Raph had his head down, and he sounded dejected. "I will. I just... I just need to figure out what to say."   
  
Donnie frowned. "If you're waiting for the right words to come, you're going to be waiting for a very long time. The longer this sits between you two, the more it's going to fester."   
  
Raph nodded, and Donnie decided to leave it there, climbing the staircase and going into his room, where he lay in bed and waited for sleep to claim him.


End file.
